TOP 20 Rita Rudner Quotes

TOP 20 Rita Rudner Quotes.
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“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
— Rita Rudner (00:00)

“I love to sleep. Do you? Isn’t it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.”
— Rita Rudner (00:07)

“When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.”
— Rita Rudner (00:14)

“When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.”
— Rita Rudner (00:21)

“We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet – so we bought a dog. Well, it’s cheaper, and you get more feet.”
— Rita Rudner (00:28)

“Good weather all the week, but come the weekend the weather stinks. When the weather is too hot they complain, too cold they complain, and when it’s just right, they’re watching TV.”
— Rita Rudner (00:35)

“I hate learning through experience. Just once I’d like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.”
— Rita Rudner (00:42)

“Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.”
— Rita Rudner (00:49)

“I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor’s office was full of portraits by Picasso.”
— Rita Rudner (00:56)

“Blondes have more fun, don’t they? They must. How many brunettes do you see walking down the street with blond roots?”
— Rita Rudner (01:03)

“When I want to end a relationship I just say, ‘You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.’ Sometimes they leave skid marks.”
— Rita Rudner (01:10)

“If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words ‘we need to talk about our relationship’ may help.”
— Rita Rudner (01:17)

“Never take candy from strangers.”
— Rita Rudner (01:24)

“My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.”
— Rita Rudner (01:31)

“Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don’t like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men – how about “New Car Interior”?”
— Rita Rudner (01:38)

“Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until the day before his anniversary to buy his wife a gift.”
— Rita Rudner (01:45)

“My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.”
— Rita Rudner (01:52)

“All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.”
— Rita Rudner (01:59)

“I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn’t notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I’m letting him keep it. I’m saving money!”
— Rita Rudner (02:06)

“Men don’t live well by themselves. They don’t even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.”
— Rita Rudner (02:13)

Music credit: Easy Day – Kevin MacLeod


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